Determining your child's relationship with money.

IMAGINE this. A child walks up to the counter of a toy store, mum in tow, to ask the price of his chosen item. The shop attendant replies $24.95. The child's face drops, he swings around to his mum and says, "But I've only got $20." Never fear, supermum to the rescue, she contributes the extra and tells her son, "You can pay me back." What is the lesson this child is learning about money?

This scene happens daily in stores across Australia, and no doubt the rest of the Western world also. While it seems simple and harmless enough, it may be setting your child up for a bad relationship with money.

Another similar scene in stores that cater for children goes like this: child wants to buy item they like.  The parent suggests the child to resist the purchase and instead save their money so they can afford a better, more expensive item. Child declines. Parent pleads with child to not buy item/s but to save up for bigger, better item. Child declines. Parent then tells child they are not spending their money today, they will instead save it for a bigger, better item. Whinging, whining, crying, screaming ensues. Then either:

a) parent buys item/s for child so child can save their money or 

b) child leaves with parent only to return and purchase original item/s or 

c) child buys item  but parent continues to tell child they  made the wrong choice and should have saved for a bigger, better item. 

What do  these scenarios teaches a child about money? 

When I was a child we were broke. So broke we couldn't afford a car. Instead my dad would ride a bike to the supermarket and complete multiple trips to get all the goods home. His carrying capacity was limited to  filling a  basket on the front of the bike and milk carton on the back. 

As a child I remember mum would get incredibly excited on pay day. Dad would get home with a little yellow envelope and hand it to mum, who would then pull out her "bills" book. She would put aside whatever money needed to go towards due (or overdue) bills, put aside some money for the groceries, and the either: 

1. Do a little dance and sing a song because there were leftovers to spend (waste)

2. Yell at dad for not earning enough (if the bills amounted to more than dad's pay). Then cry.

Option 2 was the most common. Option 1 only happened around tax return time.

What did this teach me about money? Until just a few years ago, on pay day I would pay any bills due immediately and then go to an ATM and withdraw the rest. I would then put aside my share of the shopping budget and then spend the rest. If I didn't have enough money to cover bills AND waste on luxuries, I would get angry at myself for not earning enough. Sound familiar?

So if you "chip in the rest" for a purchase your child can't afford, stop to consider what you may be setting yourself and your child up for: your child lending money from you (frequently) or your child racking up debts by buying things he/she cannot afford. 

As for making your child save for something bigger and better? There is definitely merit in this, but pre-planning will ensure success. Throwing the idea at them on the day they have chosen something else (especially if they are in the store holding it) is not great planning. Also, if your children see you saving for bigger, better things then they may be more likely to copy. Don't preach to them a "do as I say not as I do." 

Four quick tips for teaching your child about money (adapted from a money-savvy eight year old):

1. Buy only when they have enough money.

Don't chip in on the spot - make them save for it. 

2. To help them save for the fun things they really want, make sure they can see the money.

Let them save the money in cash or write their balance on a whiteboard or piece of paper on the fridge. Make sure it is something THEY want or else they will have no real desire to save.

3. If they need more money, find a way for them to earn it.

Of course it is age dependant what they can do for more money but naturally they should not receive money for things they should do, like "brushing their teeth" or "eating their greens." If you pay them for doing these sorts of things, what motivation do they have to do them without pay?

4. Find ways to have fun without spending money.

Yes money is great and brings convenience but it is not everything.

What lessons about money are your children learning from you?

The silent competition of the children's birthday cake

YOU don’t have to speak to many mothers to realise that motherhood is a competitive sport. Whether it be whose munchkin walks first, says the cutest phrase, gets the best grades at school or scores the most goals in their chosen sport, war is waged from birth. Never has the extremities of the competition been more obvious than children’s birthdays.   

I was thrown some pretty spectacular birthdays as a kid. I also endured some very lame chicken dinners and Woolies sponge cake birthdays too. But there were presents, and a token friend or two either way so I loved each celebration. I know of kids who are yet to experience a lame birthday and that’s fine – I’m not judging – I’m just pondering the stress parents go through in the competition, mainly the birthday cake.

Arguably the most competitive part of the birthday party is the cake. While I am sure there are still Woolies sponges with mock cream making appearances at birthday parties, fancy schmancy designer cakes or cupcakes are gaining popularity.

The following picture was bought into the child’s kindergarten for all to share. Normally parents take simple cakes or cupcakes into kindy/prep/school and reserve the best cake for the real party or birthday (so I am told). If this is true for this kid, imagine the cake on the big day!   

I read a story recently about how in one family, a month before each child's birthday, the birthday child got to flick through The Australian Women's Weekly Children's Birthday Cake Book and choose the birthday cake they wanted their mum to bake. Little did they know but their mum had glued some pages together, leaving only the cakes she believed she could have success with. While the mother recalls how some cakes she attempted were embarrassing to produce as they just did not work out, all the children remember is how every year they had an awesome cake thanks to their loving mum. Awww...

Some people just don't have the baking prowess to successfully produce an awesome themed cake. I wonder how the mum felt who produced the "shark" cake below? A decent effort I think, and I'm sure the child loved it but... well...And herein lies the truth behind the competition. We can't help but judge!

Then there are other mothers that could make even the most complex cake look easy, telling only their nearest and dearest friends or family of the ordeal they faced to be able to produce ANYTHING in time. Note: I say mothers because I am yet to meet (or hear about) a father who baked an extravagant birthday cake for there child. I am sure there are dads  out there that have and/or will but again, I do not personally know of any. But just to prove there are men who do the cake baking, check out this Angry Birds cake - it is epic!

Having no children myself, I have never had the stress of attempting to bake the perfect themed birthday cake. However, I have a niece in love with Paris (and all things Parisienne) so I am contemplating baking her the following. It will be easy, right? Fun maybe? Bring on the stress!

Have you fallen victim to the birthday cake competition?

Walk to School Day 2011 - success or farce?

In case it is not 100% clear, the blue 4WD is parked next to parked cars illegally, with the champagne car deciding to do the same.

This is on a Friday afternoon school run at a local primary school.

TODAY is national Walk to School Day and, as the name suggests, the idea is for parents to get their primary school aged children outside to get some fresh air, get some exercise and walk to school. Did your kids walk to school today? Or for those childless folk like me, did you encounter a flood of walkers this morning in your travels?

The Pedestrian Council of Australia (PCA) started Walk to School Day twelve years ago to help promotes the message "active kids are healthy kids" and asks parents to walk all or part of the way to school with their children to start healthy habits from a young age. Some of the functions the PCA is concerned with are the continual improvement of pedestrian safety, amenity and access, and the promotion of walking as a legitimate transport mode and an important, healthy, social activity.

In the later years of primary school I rode my bike to school and in high school I walked so the idea that there needs to be an advertised “walk to school” day seems sad to me – but also a sign of the times (we are all so time poor and reliant on our cars now). Then again my family didn’t own a car so really there was no alternative for me.  

There are of course many different circumstances preventing children from walking or riding to school regularly. However Deakin University found that less than half of all primary school children who live within 15 minutes of their school actually walk to school. They also found that 75% of those kids who are driven to school WANT to walk to school. Hmmm...

Walk to school day makes me ponder two things. One – the dire parking situation at schools. Two – why are teenagers exempt from this day?

Parking at schools

I have done the school run (drop off and pick up) a few times recently with my sister for my two nieces. While the mornings are busy, the afternoons are absolutely ridiculous. “Wow” and a head shake in disbelief, is really the only way to describe the influx of cars, parking or stopping illegally, causing a litany of various traffic hazards. No doubt some of these parents who drive their kids to school and pick them up would claim to do so for the child’s safety – then park 3 cars deep over a two laned road.

Recently an article in the Sunshine Coast Daily argued that schools need more parking as the current situation is dangerous.

The parking problems listed are no doubt apparent at most schools (especially primary schools) around Australia:

-      limited parking spaces for parents dropping off or picking up their kids

-      drivers stopping in no-parking areas

-      drivers staying too long in the drop-off zone

Naturally, debate raged amongst readers, although most comments seemed to be in favour of parents not driving their children (a feat easier said than done perhaps). However one reader argued that it is not safe to let your kids walk or ride to school because of the “amount of paedophiles” around, and quoted the Daniel Morcombe case as an example. The reader also quoted “crazy drivers” as a risk to their child’s safety (ironic perhaps, my opinion is above). One thing is for certain here – a life lived in fear is not a life lived. Statistically a child is more likely to be in a car accident, with a family member driving then have an encounter with stranger danger.

Teenagers?

As mentioned above, Walk to School ay is directed at children to encourage a healthy lifestyle and healthy habits at a young age. Still, shouldn’t it be open to all school age children including teenagers? Is it ever to late to foster healthy habits? Or are teenagers left out under the assumption that they are more likely to walk to school?

On my morning walk I have been privy to some interesting behaviour. I witness cars banked up at the bus stop for both pick up and drop off. Now I don’t know how far these cars are travelling to and from said bus stop – they may in fact be too far away for the child to walk.  However I have even witnessed one parent drive their two children up their street (which is a steep incline), drop the kids at the top, then do a U-turn and head back home. While I acknowledge the street is steep, and would be a pain to walk up every day, what lesson is this teaching these children? The street would not be 100 metres in total, so even though it is steep, it is not a mammoth walk.

What are your thoughts on Walk to School Day?



Wearing a bra but still playing with Barbie

THE adultisation* or sexualisation of children is not a new talking point in the media. Sexy ads, raunchy video clips, children’s beauty products and clothing have all copped flack in the past.  The one that always riles me up, however, is children’s padded bras. Yes, padded. Yes, I am serious!

A friend of the family, aged 12, was sporting a padded bra recently. Feeling uncomfortable asking her myself, I asked a family member if my suspicions were correct and they confirmed yes. Apparently she always wears them now. It wasn’t half obvious – I didn’t even need to look hard. No 12 year old has perfectly round and pert breasts.

I had breasts at 12, but they were more like a stack of fried eggs than breasts. Still, I was wearing bras but normally just sports bras. I remember padding my bra once with scrunchies, walking around sticking my chest out and feeling attractive and mature. I also remember my mum seeing me do so, going berserk, and confiscating the scrunchies (oh the horror!). I don’t think this was the start of my body confidence issues but, despite always being well-endowed I have never loved my body. Maybe this was the start of my issues here?

I also don’t remember bras being cool or interesting – they were seen as adult. Even training bras were something I kept private and thought were secret. Training bras now are revered amongst girls as young as 8 as being a cool fashion accessory. I know kids who can’t get through Kmart or Target without drooling over the bonds training bra and matching sets, much like me walking past a shoe store.

 Children’s bras have great rewards lingerie and underwear makers and retailers. The concept is to obtain brand awareness and loyalty young to ensure more profits from each consumer over a longer period of time.  Is this necessary? For retailers and underwear makers – yes. Are the bras necessary? Training bras....um...maybe??? But padded bras – surely not!

By allowing children to have padded bras are we starting body confidence issues early? Also, why would you provide your child with an item of clothing that draw attention away from their face? THEY ARE A CHILD! I’m not going to go down the path of writing about how padded bras (sexualisation of a minor) may encourage paedophilia besides suggesting you think about the possibility.

The potential positives about training bras and padded bras are twofold:

1.       Girls who do develop early won’t feel as awkward and isolated as they may have in the past (and may not incur as much bullying) if all girls their age are wearing bras also.

2.       Girls who develop late may not feel as upset, stressed or anxious as others will not know they are late bloomers if they are wearing training or padded bras.  

Despite the positive I still find a young girl wearing a padded bra highly disturbing and wrong.

What do you think about bras for young girls?

*not a real word but widely used when discussing this issue



Jury is still out on Mayan calendar predictions but what about Mayan worry dolls?

WORRY dolls are an arguably ingenious idea. Created by the Ancient Mayans and replicated by multiple Central American cultures, the idea is that you tell the worry doll your problems, place it under your pillow and the doll will take your problems away or deal with them for you while you sleep.


Guatemalans, Peruvians and Mexicans (to name a few) might be onto something with these inexpensive, simple creations. A study into “emotional closure” by Xiuping Li and her colleagues at Singapore's National University found that metaphorically dealing with issues like regret and distress can actually alleviate the issue at hand.


In their research they asked respondents to write down a regret they needed “emotional closure” from and place the note in an envelope. Half the group then sealed their envelope, the other half didn’t. Those who sealed their envelope afterwards reported they felt far less negative about the regret. Li and associates conclusion: expressing an issue, then sealing it puts the troubles metaphorically “out of reach” and enables a higher level of emotional healing than simply expressing the issue.


What does this mean for the worry doll? Worry dolls are commonly given with a box or bag that they are to be put into before being placed under one’s pillow. If we believe even a speck of Li’s study, then by telling the worry doll your issue and then sealing it up, you are likely to achieve some emotional healing, albeit sub-consciously.


Cultures who believe in worry dolls give children a worry doll at a young age, to help them through life from their earliest awareness’s. Today worry dolls are often used in child therapy, specifically hospitals.


The Child Life Therapists at Westmead Children's Hospital in New South Wales use worry dolls as a form of expressive art therapy to help children deal with the stresses of their ailments and hospital life.


UC Davis Medical Centre, in Sacramento California, run a Healing and Performing Arts program for children with cancer. Art (including worry dolls) is used to help the children express their feelings and emotions about their cancer journey.
Grade 7 Languages students at Thurmont Middle School in Maryland America learnt about determination, having a purpose and helping someone in need by making worry dolls and donating them to children at local hospitals. The students learnt about worry dolls in Guatemalan culture as a way to address the issue of health, specifically the fears of children while in hospital. The outcome was to help comfort the hospitalised children and increase their chances of improved health.


Western psychologists often use worry dolls (or “worry warriors” in psycho-babble) as a creative way to teach coping skills for grief, anxiety and stress in children.


There is also a multitude of worry dolls designed specifically for adults. A quick check on EBay and you will worry dolls for work, marriage, love, travel, you name it!


So if you know someone who is not dealing with life’s obstacles very well, and missing sleep because of it; forget flowers, chocolates and alcohol and get them a worry doll. Actually, make a hamper containing flowers, chocolates, alcohol and a worry doll: you can never be too prepared.


Do you believe in worry dolls?